My friends were changing their lives in profound ways with drugs?!? WTF?
But as they told me more, I said, “Sign me up for that.”
Let me back track.
THE EARLY YEARS
At 15, I started sitting with my friends during their psychedelic experiences. I was the one that made sure they all stayed safe. I knew what they were taking, how much, and took their car keys. I enjoyed them, I watched after them. I loved them.
Most of those people have remained my friends for decades.
In all the years, they never pressured me, they all respected my decision: that I did not want to explore psychedelics in my teens and twenties.
I didn’t really understand why I didn't, except the brainwashing of “this is your brain on drugs.” I chalked it up to that and it wouldn’t be until my early 40s that I would really understand why I wasn’t interested in psychedelics when all my friends were…
So in my mid-thirties, hearing my friends make massive shifts in their lives with psychedelics, I started to wonder, “What massive shifts can I create inside of me that can change my life?”
And after all the brainwashing about drugs being bad and unsafe, I asked, “Is it actually SAFE?”
I did my research online. I talked to my friends A LOT.
I discovered it is safe - LSD and psilocybin are two of the safest psychedelics there are.
I read so many research articles on psychedelics for healing PTSD, anxiety, depression. I learned that psychedelics were potentially the new breakthrough medicines for mental health (and in fact, they ARE! MDMA is in final phases with the FDA and is expected to be available for prescription in 2023).
So I leaned in and said an apprehensive YES.
A dear friend talked with me in preparation, I had my intentions and pages of notes.
My first MDMA (aka Ecstasy) journey happened at my favorite beach on November 21, 2015.
A gorgeous sunny day that changed my life.
That journey opened me up in ways I never thought I would and started to connect me with the patterns I created to keep me safe as a child (in response to the sexual abuse and the nightmares I had as a result of the abuse).
Things in my reality started to shift.
That first year I did MDMA a couple of times. Then I started microdosing with mushrooms and meditating.
I was experiencing major shifts inside myself and in my external reality, nothing crazy, just deep shifts that supported me and my life.
My psychedelic work slowly continued, coming to psychedelics when I wanted to get out of my own way.
Then I had an a-ha moment.
What if I used psychedelics to help keep me out of my way - more proactively?
And I started doing just that.
COMMITTING TO PSYCHEDELICS
As I deepened my relationship with psychedelics and my commitment to my inner work grew, the changes I experienced amplified.
And psychedelics - used with deep intention and reverence - became another pathway to ecstatic states and my own healing.
Over several years, my deep intentional work with psychedelics - combined with neuro-linguistic programming (NLP - I train and certify others in this magic!) - peeled back layer after layer of my operating system that had been engineered by a 4-year old to keep me safe.
This is when I truly began to understand why psychedelics had not appealed to me earlier in my life: due to the abuse trauma, I was absolutely unwilling to give up control.
As I created deep relationships with different psychedelics - and my wonderful guide - I started to experience incredible healing.
Here is a short list of some of the most significant issues that came up for me, as well as their resolution:
- Pushing people away —> allowing people in through learning to speak my needs and utilizing consent/permission
- Deep shame towards my body —> letting all the shame go and truly accepting and loving my body
- Distrust of my body —> trusting my body is a perfect creation of the Universe and learning to listen deeply to pain, discomfort, etc.
- Dissociation from my body (this is feeling like not living in the body, only in the head) —> getting “locked in” to my body and feeling absolutely safe and at home in my body all of the time
- Harsh, judgmental, shaming self-talk —> gentle, loving, compassionate self-talk
- Anxiety nearly all of the time —> completely gone when Little Dena was courageous enough for a high-dose LSD journey to let go of the trauma abuse; with it I found the Frequency of Safety®
inside of me allowing me to feel safe and KNOW I am safe in myself, my body, and my life all of the time
- Sleep issues —> gone with the anxiety
- Being trapped in a prison inside myself (from the trauma) —> COMPLETE and total FREEDOM in my mind and my body, totally free of the emotional connection to the memories of the abuse...and then total freedom from the memories (more detail about this on the MY VOICE page)
The list goes on. The work has been deep and profound.
My psychedelic work evolved after the trauma released. It quite literally has been like fine-tuning everything inside of me.
Clearing out other limiting beliefs (like money) and sharing my truths to release self-judgment.
There have been energetic and physical clearings including releasing lots of stuff/possessions as well as people.
The more work I have done, the deeper I have learned to love myself.
That self-love has turned into incredible commitment and integrity to myself - to who I am, what I stand for, what I am available for (and not!), and what I am doing here on this planet.
This is where Psychedelic Ministry was created.
As I came back to my spirituality as well as to being at home inside of my body and mind (with the help of psychedelics), my ministry made sense.
Psychedelics are my ministry. I am here in service to psychedelics and their power to help us heal.
I believe EVERYONE deserves to be free of trauma and past experiences that haunt them.
To heal ourselves, requires support, first and foremost from ourselves, and it starts with personal empowerment and self-love.
So this is how I show up in my life, in business, in Psychedelic Ministry.
The intention of Psychedelic Ministry Global (this is already a global movement!) is to support others in developing personal empowerment and self-love, plus evolving their toolkits for their own self-healing.
YOU are your healer. I am here to support you in discovering those truths within you and giving you incredible tools to support you along the way.
OWNING YOUR POWER AS THE HEALER
Everything here within Ecstatic Collective, including Psychedelic Ministry, is here to support you in freeing yourself inside, creating safety at the core of you, and assisting you in stepping fully into your personal power and OWNING the magic of who you are.
It is also my belief that psychedelics as medicines should NOT be prescriptive - meaning that someone with credentials should not be dictating YOUR healing journey - YOU GET TO DO THAT.
I learned to trust myself through my journey and to trust the next right step for me: a course, working with coaches, another psychedelic journey with my guide.
And I had to be the courageous one at every step and guide my way forward to the safety and freedom I wanted inside of me.
I had to speak up for myself. I had to recognize my truth and SAY IT OUT LOUD so others could hear me.
This is how I discovered my VOICE is my power.
Click the link below to learn about My Voice.
My favorite ecstatic states:
The only thing I truly wanted in my life was to feel safe. Psychedelics helped me free myself from the trauma prison of childhood sexual abuse, find the Frequency of Safety, and reclaim who I AM.