I was introduced to meditation at an early age and I always loved it.
At 15, in meditation, I knew what my calling was. (More on that later).
Meditation became an inspiration for me again sometime during 2012 and slowly more and more meditation found its way into my life.
I followed the inspiration - sit down NOW, tap in NOW, listen!
Over time, meditation started to take me over. I’d feel so compelled. And with it, I started to tap into incredible deep healing inside of me.
In April 2015, during meditation, I discovered Little Dena, age 4.
Little Dena did NOT trust me. Refused to talk to me.
I was at another workshop. I was 4 months post magical car wreck [link to that story coming soon]. I couldn’t sit comfortably, so I had a ridiculous amount of stuff so I could lie down and support my body.
Little Dena was worried I wouldn’t take care of me - like all the times in the past - and that I wouldn’t speak up for what I needed to take care of myself. (This pattern of not speaking up for myself was a result of childhood sexual abuse.)
That weekend was different. I did speak up for myself. And in doing so, Little Dena started to trust me.
So began an epic and glorious adventure of meditating with Little Dena, plus other “ages and stages of Dena” aka One Team - which has supported and led to healing the abuse trauma.
Meditating with One Team taught me so much about myself, where I was stuck emotionally and developmentally, what I needed to ask for (needs, wants, desires, CONSENT), and how different parts of me would run me at different times.
Meditating with One Team opened up ME to ME so I could BE with me and learn how to heal myself.
THE SHAMAN MEDITATION
The most significant meditation of my life happened on December 6, 2017.
I was deep in meditation with Little Dena and all of a sudden she ran off, down a hill and into a cave.
I rushed after, confused.
She kept telling me, “You have to remember everything that is about to be told to you. You have to follow the instructions. Do as you are told.”
And then a Shaman appeared, offering me a small cup, and spoke to me. He said:
Drink from the cup.
Go into the deepest darkest nooks and crannies and pits and holes and fill them with love, forgiveness, compassion, sorrow, joy, and happiness.
Fill it with the brightest, purest essence of me and shine it out for all the world to see, and radiate it into the cosmos.
Transcend this world into the multiverse to know I AM Everything and Everything is Possible.
With these words repeating in my head like a mantra, Little Dena raced out of the cave and back up the hill, but she was no longer 4 - she was about 8 - and she was holding a white doll by what looked like a pigtail.
I questioned Little [8 year old] Dena. She repeated I had to remember what the Shaman said, to write it down when I was done meditating. And she told me to get the white doll.
I argued - we didn’t play with dolls as a child. She said, “Get the white doll Dena! It is a representation. And take it with you.”
I agreed. And the meditation ended.
I typed the words from the meditation into the Notes app in my phone. And that meditation has become the greatest teaching tool of my life. There are so many stories contained in all that…
But the white doll. I went to Target on the way to Pt. Reyes National Seashore. And I found the most perfect soft white thing, a white bunny with big floppy ears. EXACTLY what Little Dena was holding. It wasn’t a doll with pigtails, it was an ear!
I love bunnies. And this bunny I instantly fell in love with.
Her name is Dalai. (That was given to me in the mediation.)
I started taking Dalai with me and she started teaching me about myself.
Specifically, she taught me to listen to my inner voice and she started to reveal to me when I did not feel safe to be me. The parts of myself I would want to leave behind, hide away, lock up, in order to protect myself.
Dalai and meditating with One Team taught me how to love all of me, forgive myself, and create the safety I needed INSIDE ME to be me, all of the time.
[There is soooo much to all of this, so if you are intrigued, stay connected!]
And the number one place I didn’t feel safe to be me was to be the pure magic of who I am.
Which brings us back to where we started…me meditating at 15 and knowing my calling.
So meditation (and Dalai) also tapped me back into that calling that I received at age 15.
That calling is ministry.
I did not grow up religious and I know very little about religions.
I did grow up spiritual.
So if I’m not religious, WTF does ministry mean to me?
I spent years in deep meditation with this question. I filled journals writing about this.
I spent time taking classes.
I looked at going to ministerial school - and my inner guidance from meditation continued to say the same thing: “Dena, you don’t need a third masters degree or someone else’s permission to do this. You have everything you need inside of you. All you need to do is tap into consciousness every day and you have access to EVERYTHING.”
With Dalai’s help, I learned to listen to that voice inside of me. I’ve learned to be sovereign inside of myself and my body.
Dalai and the voice inside of me are right - I know my truth.
Since 2015, I’ve really explored what ministry means to me and I’ve revealed my spiritual truth.
Ministry in its simplest definition means “in service to.”
I am in service to the light within us all. I am in service to activating our own natural neurochemistry as an incredible and powerful tool to regain our sovereignty as well as transform consciousness, heal trauma, & evolve our lives and love.
Click the Play link below to learn more about my journey with play and what I am a stand for in this world.
My favorite ecstatic states:
The only thing I truly wanted in my life was to feel safe. Psychedelics helped me free myself from the trauma prison of childhood sexual abuse, find the Frequency of Safety, and reclaim who I AM.